The Superficial

Smatch Point

2006-05-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

Last one, I swear. Match Point is supposed to be Woody Allen's comeback. I call bullshit on that. There's nothing positive about this movie other than that Scarlett Johanssen and Jonathan Rhys Meyers are good-looking. They also happen to be terrible actors. "Maybe if I yell people will think I'm 'in' the part." And I get that Woody Allen has had some unsuccessful relationships. I GET it. Oooh, the bad guy gets away with it? That has NEVER been done before! Maybe in Woody's high-falutin', Aston Martin-driving, leather-chairs-that-are-as-soft-as-a-baby's-ass, champagne-sipping world this kind of shit happens all the time and people think it means they're deep, but just 'cause bro holds a copy of Crime and Punishment at one point doesn't mean he has anything to offer us other than his crooked smile and REALLY nice suits that I would like to own and would hopefully not wear during a poorly-planned murder of my hot-but-annoying-and-pregnant mistress. I would probably just wear that suit to work or to get a drink with my brahs.

Smapril

2006-04-17T23:32:00.000-05:00

Something happened where blogging became uncool. When this happened, I decided it is cool again. Now there will be blogging again.

It's tax day. This is the day when all the money we need to build bridges and roads and to fund after-school programs and tree-planting initiatives, and the money we need to pay for the education of our future youth and to pay for the respectful and dignified care for our former future youth, and the money we need to pay for tanks and guns and international aid is collected in little sacks by men with pikes on horses. I gave $3500 to the cause this year.

I finally found one group of people who I will now not only stop berating for not voting, but actively encourage to remain outside the political system. They are the members of the armed forces. It occurs to me(unoriginally) that the responsibility to act as a tool of civilian political authority is something that should not be mixed with party politics in any way. Kudos to our Swiss Army!

Smarch

2006-03-02T21:34:00.000-06:00

Career-ending photographs. Stationary bicycles and sweatpants. Smarch is not like last Smarch.

I've been thinking of organizing a "Take Public Transportation to Work Day." I think that is a bad sign.

When Enron went away, I cried.

Even Dwarves Started Like Shit

2006-02-21T23:24:00.000-06:00

One time I saw this movie that was really bad. It was last night, in fact. The movie(film!) was Werner Herzog's Even Dwarves Started Small. I can't believe I didn't like with such fervor something Herzog made. When you start to ask yourself seriously whether a movie would have been made were the entire cast not comprised of little people you know you're in some serious shit. While there are some images that will be difficult to shake(examples: little person acting the matador to a driverless '40's ambulance, "blind" insane little people sitting on a dead sow), this is not a good thing in this case. While Aguirre the Wrath of God is something descended from heaven, this film is something forced up from hell, or at best, the State Fair.

Another thing I was disappointed with: Someone led me to believe this film(movie!) had something to do with Crispin Glover. Unless Crispin Glover is some sort of alchemist gnome(jury is still out!), the fact that Herzog and his trained mad dwarves were performing their peyote freak-out in front of full studio rigging in 1971 leads me to believe that, well, I was misled. Intensely.

Group Consciousness Titling. Advertising. On the go.

2006-02-09T18:19:00.000-06:00

Thank you to Planetarium for pointing out The Superficial. It is a bit creepy that an idiotic and intentional meaningless grammatical misusage like "The Superficial" would be used by more than one author independently. The superficial what? What is happening? This is almost as bad as the excessive use in advertising of Meaningful. Periods. We as Americans have descended into the deepest chasm of tastelessness when a perfectly reasonable and convincing sentence like "Hot food on the go" which would really make a person seriously consider trudging down to the Glockenspiel or Pineda Tacos has to be bastardized into "Hot. Food. On the Go." All this makes us want to do is send a telegram. Plus, it's a command form. What about "Wouldn't you like to eat some hot food at the Muddy Pig right about now? Please come on by if you get hungry and we'll serve you whatever you'd like off of our menu. Have a fun day if you'd like."? The public would even settle for "Hot food, on the go." Because at least we get a comma out of the deal.

Update?

2006-02-03T00:29:00.000-06:00

Other people update my blog more than I do. Duely noted.

I got some glasses and some X-rays. Both negative, baby, just like I like it.

In other news, I just wrote "Justice Scalia" when I meant "Justice Alito." Go figure!

Also, now that 150,000 people suggested that Patty Wetterling run in the 6th District again, she finally heard and heeded. Nice work, asshole.

Life is a fascinating romp.

Photo of the Week

2006-01-21T21:06:00.000-06:00

A gentle reminder

Sun!

Life is So Sad

2006-01-21T20:02:00.000-06:00

Photo Link Redux: Flickr Edition.

The Producers is not a very good movie.

Nick: I am going to drive to your apartment and feed your cat right now.

I Post a Link

2005-12-08T16:17:00.000-06:00

The habit of posting links as the only content is one that is passe.

2005-11-30T00:54:00.001-06:00

The Low Point: Feeding on Spam and instant hash-browns off the forest floor in the cold rain.

The Photo Essay: Homage to the Big Woods

2005-11-30T00:54:00.000-06:00

So a blog gets interrupted when more important things are happening. Gee, sorry.

The following offering dates to May 2005:

The High Point: Homage to a tiny fish.

2005-11-30T00:53:00.000-06:00

In Between Point: Your basic campsite. Dirty, dirty men.

2005-11-30T00:51:00.000-06:00

Uphill.

2005-11-30T00:50:00.000-06:00

Living in the woods made a man out of me.

Photo of the Week

2005-11-26T17:19:00.000-06:00

Guest of the Week 2!

2005-11-26T12:54:00.000-06:00

The second installment of the wildly popular Guest Blogger series. This week's entry comes from Sports Medicine PhD. candidate, Sarah Robinson, of Madison Wisconsin.

Topic: Stalinist Russia.

Go!:

"The New York Times ran an article a few weeks ago about the high-fashion handbag. They interviewed dozens of women who were willing to drop $3,000 on the latest hot purse. Most were in their late 20s or early 30s, and making around 40k a year. Asked why she would spend twenty-four hundred dollars on a Chloe handbag, one woman responded that she 'didn't want to look like a grad student.' Bitch.

As a poor grad student, I'm torn on this whole high-fashion thing. On one hand, I think that people who spend 800$ on a pair of shoes ought to be lined up against a wall and shot, or at the very least deported to a worker re-education camp in Siberia. On the other hand, I really want a pair of Gucci boots.

Here are the fashion trends I currently hate:

Louis Vuitton handbags. If you have niether taste nor class, but want everyone to know that you spent a lot of money, just get an ass-ugly handbag with a designer logo all over it. These are the tackiest thing in the world, surpassed only by......

Dooney and Bourke handbags. The tacky ripoff of the tacky Louis Vuitton handbag, yet somehow seen as a status symbol in my home state of Wiscosin. Wear it to the mall and impress your friends.

Ugg boots on fatties. I don't hate the Ugg boots. I don't like them, but they can work on some people. But kids, you really have to have some skinny thighs to pull this off. Remember, the boot should be the thickest part of your leg."

Guest Blogger Review:
Not really on topic, though inclusion of worker re-education camps in Siberia and the utilitarian bias lends the piece a "5-year Plan" vibe. References to fashion trends most of us have never heard of earn Ms. Robinson points, though use of the term "fatties" must be weighed against the triumph of taking New Yorkers down a notch. "Bitch," indeed; well played!

School is for Fools

2005-11-10T09:53:00.000-06:00

Latin American History? Have I really been in this class for two months?

Guest of the Week!

2005-10-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

Introducing our youngest, most agile idea yet! The Guest Blogger!

First guest: An unnamed Minneapolis resident!

Topic of the Week: British Sport.

Go!:

"Formula One is for pussies. I don't care how fast they go, they don't pass each other and it's boring as hell.

David Beckham is Spanish now, and a damn fine ball player, but should never be forgiven for
the fauxhawk or for lengthening the public spotlight on Posh Spice.

Any game that requires white outfits is a good game. Cricket and Wimbledon are to be lauded.

And hey, Great Britain, thanks for bowling."

Guest Blogger review:

Finely tuned and acerbic. Why no mention of the most fascinating British sport of all; hovercrafting? Bonus points for use of the word "pussies," extra bonus points for using the word "pussies" in reference to the British. All in all, not enough negative things to say about Britons. Excellent job considering the pressure of firsthood.

2005-10-02T13:32:00.000-05:00

Photo of the Week: The Return!

Motor Mayhem

2005-08-29T21:35:00.000-05:00

I can't stop buying neat vehicles. I can't!

In my defense, this cost less than the car I'm selling.

Major League II

2005-08-15T16:28:00.000-05:00

For all you baseball fans out there(I'm talking to you McCown!), a rundown of the latest standings as we head into the final month of America's Pastime.

AL East: Currently
1. Boston Red Sox: Team built for sex, playoffs.
2. NY Yankees: I promise this team will make the playoffs. I also promise that they are the devil.
3. Toronto Blue Jays: Epitome of .500. O Canada! Next trip to the postseason: 2006.
4. Baltimore Orioles: It didn't take a steroids test to make me hate Rafael Palmeiro.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays: I would attack Tropicana Field with a child army if I lived in Florida.
Predicted order of finish: Boston, NY, Baltimore, Tampa, Toronto. I said Sammy Sosa would hit 45 homeruns. Fuck the AL East anyway.

AL Central: Currently
1. Chicago White Sox: Big deal: Knocked out in the first round.
2. Cleveland Indians: Stretch run is soooo weak, they might just knock out the Yanks.
3. Minnesota Twins: Why is Joe Mays still on this team? I hate Nick Punto.
4. Detroit Tigers: Wow, still not a good team! I liked my call on Mags going down, though.
5. Kansas Shitty Royals: David DeJesus is ok. Um...Lima time?
Predicted order of finish: Minnesota(Argh.), Cleveland, Detroit, KC, Chicago. In all fairness I picked Chicago last to piss off a friend. Still.

AL West: Currently
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: A spooky team, filled with madmen.
2. Oakland Atheletics: Apparently plenty of Zito! Young pitching + Playoffs = Bad.
3. Texas Rangers: Won't win until they push back the fences or something.
4. Seattle Mariners: Bret Boone wept like a little girl when he got cut. Rebuilding time.
Predicted order of finish: Texas, LA, Seattle, Oakland. I was way off on this division, except for the rally-monkey ebola fever outbreak in LA.

Playoffs: If we started today, it would be Chicago, LA, Boston, and Oakland. Boston would clearly destroy everyone. But: I don't think LA will make it. Oakland takes the division and Cleveland and the Yanks battle it out for the wild card. Cleveland gets to play the Royals and Tigers like 40 times.
Predicted Playoffs: Twins over Yanks? Uh...this is why I'm not paid to predict sports outcomes.

This has been a depressing retrospective.

Full Disclosure

2005-08-13T23:40:00.000-05:00

In all fairness to the journalistic ethic, I have to divulge yet another embarrassing fact to my rapt public. It is a fact that should rival my recent revelations about the lameness that is my own specific skin...

I just read "Bio of a Space Tyrant: Refugee," by Piers Anthony. I read it in about 4 hours. Straight. On a Saturday. It's a book for 12 year-old boys and has a muscly mullet-hero on the front cover.

Oh My Christ.

2005-08-04T00:12:00.000-05:00

Updating this shit is about the last thing on my mind. My job is awesome slash sucks: I never understood when people talked about waking up in the middle of the night thinking about work. I'm thinking about giving up coffee.

I did find the time to read an excellent book that wiped the Ayn Rand residue right out of my brain, thankfully. "Ball Four," by Jim Bouton. I kept imagining him as being a gaunt, skinny guy with a mustache, but it turns out he looks like a marine or a Pontiac middle-manager.

And showed my dear mother a terrible time by continuing to work long hours straight through her nine-day visit. I am such an asshole: Happy Birthday to my favorite sister, Jennifer. I called her on August first, but the line beeped at me and I never called back. Soon I will be rich and begin construction on my Fun-Family Chateau, where there will be pandas and one of those sauna machines that just your head sticks out of and the entirety of my relations will be welcome there forever.

Also: the space shuttle Discovery plans to explode on reentry in the next week or so. Bold prediction: The space shuttle will not actually explode. This reminds me that I must comment on the fact that NASA has scrapped its visionary plans for the next generation of spaceship because they dreamed too big. Now it's back to regular old boring rockets with pods on the top. I realize there are probably excellent reasons for this, but I can't help but be disappointed with the can't-do spirit this represents. Space is the final frontier! That and the bottom of the ocean, I hear.

Perhaps soon I will take stock of the upcoming pennant stretch-run in baseball with my updated predictions! Ooh!

And, finally: Closed circuit to Mark Karcz: I have begun implementing a plan which will allow me to purchase the Datsun 280 you so crave and were so kind as to not purchase. Maybe that will convince you that you MUST move back to St. Paul.

How Awesome Our Mixing Is

2005-07-15T20:56:00.000-05:00

Very awesome. Digital jamming, spooky non-traditional farm animals. No rules recording.

Somebody needs to put out our record.

July 4th Part 2: (Conclusion)

2005-07-07T14:00:00.000-05:00

God Bless America?

Politics

2005-07-07T13:04:00.000-05:00

I've kept myself from commenting on politics so far, but I really have to say that Democrats pushing for an O'Connor-esque nominee for the Supreme Court just shows how much the leadership doesn't get it. If your first offer is for someone "moderately conservative" then clearly the compromise ground is going to be someone to the right of that. How simple is it to push for some lunatic leftist so the compromise will end up right where you want it, with an O'Connor look-alike. The right has been using this tactic for EVER, and it works every time. Robert Bork too conservative for you because he doesn't believe in the Judicial Branch? Ok, how about Clarence Thomas as a compromise? This is Power 101 stuff.

July 4th, 2005 Part One

2005-07-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

In my dream last night the woman I was waiting on wanted to order a special dish with ingredients that don't exist. Two that I remember were black squish and mouse nuts.

Wheeling and Dealing

2005-07-01T15:24:00.000-05:00

4th of July weekend.

The state government has been shut down. Leaders of the legislature and the governor are exchanging blame. I'm voting for the Green Party. Fuck this.

My arm smells like gasoline.

2005-06-20T23:10:00.000-05:00

Bike Number Two

2005-06-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

Ferocious Wolf

Happy Birthday To Me.

2005-06-19T12:29:00.000-05:00

Hey, hey, it's my birthday. I'm going to party like it's my birthday. Yeah, yeah.

Notable Sunday, June 19th, 2005 issues:

1. Lazing about, eating pancakes.
2. Watching dog roll in grass, bark.
3. Waiting for UPS to drop off boxes full of birthday money.
4. Playing baseball, ordering pitchers to serve them up, batters to strike out intentionally.
5. Purchasing flaming bowl of alcohol at local tiki-bar.
6. Laying on floor, calmly.

I'm thinking 26 is going to be a big year for me. Everyone knows my lifelong promise to myself and those around me has been to make my first million by my 27th birthday. I've got around $315 in cash and $4500 in debt, so it's a good start. Send me money.

Tuesday

2005-06-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I went a little crazy on the motorcycle tip. You'll be relieved to know that I came to my senses on the blog thing. Or you won't be relieved because instead I get to do little mechanic-related updates on the thing you read. I got the thing to start up the other day and I'm waiting on throttle cables. Throttle cables! Those things are awesome. Today I changed the oil and filter. I am oily.

The Ayn Rand book is pretty awesome so far. It has scope. And as far as fascism goes, it may not be a good system of social organization, but as a system of individual motivation it seems pretty effective. I bet writing that sentence will come back to haunt me at a later date. "That Ben Hecker sure is a fascist."

T-minus four Malachi Constant shows and counting. A lovely Tuesday night show tonight instead of practice. I'm going to get naked as hell and hide behind my amp.

Update.

2005-06-09T01:01:00.000-05:00

For lack of actual content and as a result of drinking two beers after not eating and having worked my ass off for 6 hours(!?), allow me the indulgence of an out-of-character update.

1. My new job has, if nothing else, raised my baseline stress level to what feels like a low, throbbing hum. I have never managed anything but myself and being put in a position of authority over people who a) I can't fire, and b) are, by and large, at least 20-30 years older than me, is a bit of a jump. If, for example, I had been hired as the night manager at Subway(a job that has crossed my mind), I would at least have the power to take away someone's livelihood if they didn't listen to me. In this position, if I ask someone to do something and they don't listen, the onus is on me as the campaign manager: "Why didn't you make sure X did Y?" I'm still in the process of figuring out the both the big picture in terms of strategy and process and the nuances of personality that are so important.

2. I'm still a waiter. I made $170 tonight, which is a big help. Fuck you if you don't like me reporting my income. Americans are so uptight, I hear.

3. More motorcycle maintenance will occur tomorrow. I've done something I'm ashamed of: created a secondary blog focused specifically on the process of fixing this bike. Seriously, if there's something nerdier/dorkier than that I would be hard-pressed to name it. The only mitigating factor is that I don't include it on my regular blog so people who don't give a shit don't have to see it. Hopefully this will be an antidote for my habit of getting really into something and forgetting it after I've thought about it enough(see my previous fascinations with Linux, a fish tank, my darkroom, gardening, Super-8, being in a band, 9-11, the Sunday Baseball website, etc.). I am an excellent Gemini, or so I've read.

4. I'm reading...Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand. I feel weird doing so, but all I've heard is how crazy/fascist she is, so I thought I'd see for myself. I'm about 70 pages in out of 1100, and it's good so far, but if she keeps on pushing the importance of industrial progress I might get annoyed. I'm impressed by how she just plows through every good metaphor there is, one after the other.

5. I should probably consider taking an LSAT class pretty soon.

6. My dog eats charcoal and barks at bees and kids on rollerskates. She's the smartest and best-looking dog in the world. She also loves me.

My New Endless Project

2005-06-01T11:11:00.000-05:00

So some guy gave me a 1975 Honda CB550-Four Super Sport. It does not run. I will make it run. I've always wanted a motorcycle to sit in my shed for years after I've taken it apart and lost interest in putting it back together. This is my opportunity and I intend to seize it.

My new bike.

2005-06-01T11:07:00.000-05:00

What my new bike will look like when I'm done.

Out of the Wild.

2005-05-28T15:44:00.000-05:00

Less moose party, more whiskey party. I caught a frog with my bare hands. I thought about eating it like a popcorn shrimp, because it was cold and I was hungry and had only instant mashed potatoes cooked in buggy water to look forward to, but I let it go instead. Also, I carried an enormous amount of weight in the form of a huge, tent-filled backpack and a 45 pound canoe through mucky hills. All there is to say about it is "240 rods." I survived by forming the pain into a tiny, viscous black ball and hiding it in my cerebellum. This somehow made me more of a man. I have a moustache, I caught a fish; fear me.

Into the Wild?

2005-05-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

Moose party.

I fully expect my trip to the Boundary Waters to look a lot like this famous moose party, captured in photograph in 1998 by moosologist Daniel Weaver in Southern Canada. Note the complex relationships in this picture between moose with different sized antlers.

Moose.

Blog-off!

2005-05-19T01:33:00.000-05:00

And in other news, there was a creepy documentary on the television this evening that featured Orson Welles narrating with a surprisingly Jonathan Frakes-esque delivery about that famous art-forging expert, de Hory(that's his name, right?). I, equipped only with my casual observance of art, thought it was excellent. Seriously though, what the hell happened to Orson Welles? It reminded me of something I heard recently in reference to James Dean about men who instead of looking older as they age, just turn into boy-men. I have two gray hairs on either side of my head.

I'd like to add a comment to the previous entry. When I referred to Adam Waterman's "po-mo autocritique," it was supposed to come across as reverent awe. Really it was just a mask of my own insecurities. Let's not Dr. Phil this to death.

Also, having seen the name "Werewolf Town" written in another context has convinced me to end this experiment. While I don't have any emotion invested in titling my blog "Superficial," it does have a sort of po-mo autocritique aspect that I kind of like.

Werewolf Town

2005-05-17T15:33:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of renaming my blog Werewolf Town. I'm not sure why, but it sounds pretty good, right? Is it too catchy? I feel it might give me the psychological edge over the competition, which just got stiffer(or at least more heavily credentialed) with the appearance of a blog by Adam Waterman, he of the "po-mo autocritique" set. I started out with the hopes of being able to add something heady to the "Blogtress" being constructed on the internet, but it looks like all I can add is one more prediction of baseball standings(note the accuracy of the prediction though!), some personal anecdotes, and the occasional rant that makes no sense.

Werewolf Town? If you find yourself unable to find my blog someday, don't panic. It's been renamed and redirected to www.werewolftown.blogspot.com. We'll see.

In other news, I did not get the opportunity to meet former Vice President Walter Mondale this morning as I had expected. He had some unplanned occurence. Instead I got to meet with a partly hostile contingent of high-priced lawyers at an undisclosed Minneapolis lawfirm. How exciting! We ate Pizza Luce and drank from water bottles labeled with the name of the lawfirm instead of "Evian." I am so going to be a lawyer when I grow up.

Day One

2005-05-15T20:27:00.000-05:00

Not so much with Sunday Baseball today as it was necessary to meet with my new boss and go on an informative door-knocking walk around the ward. Baseball is still the king. I would have hit many homeruns and struck out many batters had I been able to attend. I let my team down and they won't let me forget it.

In other news, I bought one of those weekly planner notebook/binder things from Office Maxxx. I felt like a junior executive or Michael J. Fox in "Bright Lights, Big City," which, as fun as it sounds, actually makes me want to drive off a cliff.

I am filled with the hopeful anticipation of a 15 year-old. I hope that wears off soon. Or not.

Reality Check.

2005-05-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

I got a real job. The immediate effect has been a weird feeling of fear/illness mixed with wooziness.

A Weather Note

2005-05-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

It's 34 degrees in May. I'm going to kill everyone.

Blogomaniac!

2005-05-02T21:43:00.000-05:00

I can't resist talking about baseball, I just can't. One reason I can't is that Twins middle reliever Juan Rincon tested positive for steroids. They say you've got to watch out for those relievers and the juice since they've got to pitch on a day's notice and are always struggling for a job. Well, it looks like Rincon, who until now had no good nickname but will henceforth be known as Juan Roidcon or Roid Rincon or Juan Androstenrincon, had the cream to thank for his breakout 11-6 season last year. If only being a little beefier had helped him hold the Yankees in the playoffs. The other reason I have to talk about baseball is that I didn't get to play it this Sunday, due to fucking snow! End of baseball rant.

Takashi Miike Hatin'

2005-05-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

I wanted to be able to tell people I'm a huge Miike fan, because it sounds so cool. After seeing and hating the disappointing Happiness of the Katakuris, I went for the one you're supposed to see first to find out what the fuss is all about. Sadly, Ichi the Killer has made its way onto my shockingly small list of movies I didn't even care to finish. I can see why people like the movie; it's got that cool, fast thing going for it, and the lead character seems like he ought to be interesting. The complete lack of content sinks this movie. I don't need to be seeing a guy fucking a woman while punching her in the face unless it's critical to the plot or to proving a really good point, something other than "if you do this sort of thing you're the bad guy." At least there could have been some ambiguity in any one of the lead characters, but instead we get Ichi himself, who's unrealistically insane and Kakihara, who's unrealistically sadistic. Maybe, just maybe you have to watch the end of the movie to "get it," but I'm just not willing to put up with the uberviolent journey. Until I see otherwise, I'm putting Miike in the "unrealized potential" category.

Bonus!

2005-04-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

Shim Sham Shufflers.

Local tapdance troupe performing at Triple Rock.

Photo of the Week

2005-04-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

Soloin'!

Writing papers takes alot out of you. June will be a blogfest! Anyone know more than me about Bankruptcy Reform? NO....yes.

Upon Further Review...

2005-04-11T14:11:00.000-05:00

More information for those of you dying of curiosity about the Peruvian/Ecuadoran conflict and too lazy to research independently. This is the result of my google search:

The conflict between the regions has roots in the Incan(of Cuzco/Peru) conquest of the kingdom of Quito(Ecuador) in the 1500s.
In 1941, Ecuador denounced the boundaries set by Spain in the early 1800's, and claimed 125,000 sq. miles of Peruvian land, and the two countries fought a brief war, which Ecuador lost badly.
The 1942 Rio de Janiero Protocol set vague borders between the two countries in a remote part of the Amazon. This agreement decreased the size of Ecuador by 50%.
Ecuador has since denounced this treaty as well and a dispute has centered over the largely unmapped area around the Cordillera de Condor mountain range. Active conflict broke out in 1981 and 1995, when an Ecuadoran helicopter bombed a Peruvian military installation well within Peruvian territory. A hill known as Tiwintza holds special significance as Ecuadoran troops successfully defended it against Peruvian attacks during the 1995 war, also known as the Alto-Cenepa War.
Some speculation over the motives of each side for the 1995 war:
That Ecuador initiated the conflict to support increases in its military budget.
That Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori welcomed the conflict for similar reasons or to gain support in his re-election bid.
According to the U.S. Institute of Peace the natural resources(including oil and gold) of the Cordillera de Condor are insignificant.
An agreement was signed in 1998 setting the border according to Peru's wishes, but granting possession of Tiwintza within Peru to Ecuador, though under Peruvian sovereignty.

Conclusion: Not worth getting shot over. Also, I'm sure the story is not this simple. Border disputes are never just about the tiny strips of land in question. See Kashmir, Gaza, Rhineland, Korean DMZ, etc. I guess increased military budgets might be enough of a motive, but it seems a little weak.

Hugo in the jungle.

Photo of the Week

2005-04-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

My Ecuadoran friend Hugo on a pony. Apparently there was some sort of war in 1998 between Peru and Ecuador in which Peru took all of Ecuador's oilfields. Hugo says this ended up cutting Ecuador in half. He got shot in the arm in the jungle, which is pretty fucked up. Question: Why have I never heard of this war? Am I the only one? Question two: Why does the Ecuadoran army still use ponies?

Spring Training Special Part 4: Awards

2005-04-02T14:38:00.000-06:00

AL:
MVP: Johan Santana: 24 wins, 300K, 2.15ERA. First pitcher MVP since Eck.
Cy Young: Johan Santana; Can't win the MVP without the Cy Young, now, can we?
Manager of the Year: Ron Gardenhire: This is like giving Morgan Freeman an Oscar.
Rookie of the Year: Um, Ruben Gotay?
Homerun Leader: Alex Rodriguez; they say he's concentrating on hitting now; yikes.

NL:
MVP: Carlos Beltran; Called the Mets the "New Mets;" has to win the MVP or else.
Cy Young: I really want to say Pedro, but I'm going with Tim Hudson, who will slay.
Manager of the Year: Willie Randolph. I am on the Mets bandwagon until it crashes into the sea.
Rookie of the Year: How the fuck should I know? Somebody on the Rockies.
Homerun Leader: Jim Thome: that ballpark is silly. Thome for President.

Miscellaneous:
First off-field arrest: Barry Bonds: for tax evasion.
First on-field arrest: Milton Bradley for attacking the Philly Phanatic.
Comeback Player of the Year: Not Joe Mays. How about Richie Sexson? Esteban Loiaza? Cool.

World Series: I guess I accidentally predicted another Subway Series. Well, screw that, it's not happening. I'm still going with the Mets, since they can't have facial hair anymore and that's always a good sign. They get taken out by the baby Twins. I swear this looks like a real possibility. Just look at the Twins lineup for a minute. Of course, when a team looks that good on paper something terrible always happens to them. Still: Twins in six.

Next up: A break from sports. I promise. The Pope just died and everything.

Photo of the Week, Daily edition.

2005-03-31T21:21:00.000-06:00

Vincent Gallo.

Spring Training Special Part 3

2005-03-31T21:16:00.000-06:00

National League Predictions:

East:
1. New York Mets: Omar Minaya's offseason moves are awesome. Pedro, Carlos, and Kazuhisa solidify the rotation and the lineup. Reign of Atlanta terror comes to an end. For real.
2. Atlanta Braves: That said, this is a good team. Smoltz as a starter is a bust.
3. Philadelphia Phillies: Still not enough pitching. Thome hits 53.
4. Florida Marlins: This is a very good division...
5. Las Vegas Nationals: Better, but still not good. Bright spots; Loiaza, Guillen, Hernandez.

Central
1. St. Louis Cardinals: Hard to argue with adding Mulder. Renteria's absence hurts more than you'd think.
2. Milwaukee Brewers: Seriously, this is my pick. The Arizona trade pays off this year. Carlos Lee destroys, Doug Davis is awesome, we get to see Cecil Fielder's kid in September.
3. Houston Astros: Too many lost players, too many old players.
4. Chicago Cubs: How's Joe Mauer over Mark Prior look now?
5. Pittsburgh Pirates: Need to make good on plan to study and replicate Twins organization. Won't help this year.
6. Cincinnati Reds: Why are there six teams in this division?

West
1. San Diego: I like their starters and this is a very bad division. Need a closer and an offense.
2. Los Angeles: No Adrian Beltre, no chance. Gagne goes down hard from Roid withdrawal.
3. San Francisco: Average age of 46 years old.
4. Arizona Snakes: Big Unit not so stacked after all. Shawn Green turns awesome, Javy Vazquez strikes out 240, Greg Aquino blows 20 saves. Bad times.
5. Colorado Rockies: Maybe they should think about a pressurized dome. Will never win a World Series, ever. Plus side? Don't need andro.

NLDS:
St. Louis takes Atlanta out like Puff Daddy if you didn't vote.
New York gets to humiliate the Padres. Man that sounds like an awesome series.

NLCS: New York, New York. Minaya shoots Steinbrenner in the face, pees in Yankee Stadium, Pedro wins game 7.

There is zero chance I will be wrong.

Kazuhisa Ishii, no relation, copyright infringed.

Photo of the Week

2005-03-31T12:33:00.000-06:00

License to Chill: Filament

Slide film is awesome.

Sad Clowns

2005-03-29T18:53:00.000-06:00

It's apparently official that the change of ownership at Midway's finest bar, the Turf Club, will have a negative impact on its coolness. Reports indicate stalwart booking agents/barkeeps Dave Weigart and Rob Rule have left the organization and that the Clown Lounge has already been destroyed. While the Turf has gotten mixed reviews over the years, I find it hard to believe anyone could not be at least a little sad at its transformation. I for one feel for Rob and Dave, two of the nicest local semi-celebrities you'll ever meet. As for the Turf itself, my initial reaction is that they've alienated at least a substantial portion of the enormous built-in crowd at a bar in an area that has had only the Turf itself as a major destination. How well that works out for the ownership probably depends on who they put in charge of booking and how well they smooth the transformation. Judging on the swiftness of the decision to kill the Clown Lounge, it doesn't look too good. Conclusion: Damn.

Spring Training Special Part 2

2005-03-29T11:46:00.000-06:00

Today's Special: American League Predictions:

East:
1. Boston Red Sox: The one thing they haven't gotten from the Yanks is a division crown.
2. New York Yankees: This division sucks.
3. Baltimore Orioles: Slammin' Sammy hits 45, but nobody's knocking off the big twol
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Offseason acquisitions all killed in plane crash.
5. Toronto Blue Jays: Terrible terrible terrible team. A+ for signing Canadian Wolf Corey Koskie.

Central:
1. Minnesota Twins: Mauer surprises with his health, bat, and good looks. Rotation excels.
2. Cleveland "Indians": Tons of hitting, not enough pitching, more than enough Coco Crisp.
3. Detroit Tigers: Major improvement but Magglio goes down in a heap early.
4. Kansas City Royals: Too many shitty players, not enough good players.
5. Chicago White Sox: Just putting them in the cellar pisses off Carl Wedoff.

West:
1. Texas Rangers: Pitching finally comes around enough to get them in the playoffs.
2. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA Inc.: Rally monkey ebola fever.
3. Seattle Mariners: Ichiro scores 140 runs, Adrian Beltre knocks in 150.
4. Oakland Atheletics: Tough year in a tough division. Not enough Zito.

Playoffs:
ALDS: Rangers lose to Yankees for the billionth time, while the Twins shock the Red Sox. (I am a homer.)
ALCS: Twins score 12 runs in seven games giving Jason Giambi the chance to redeem his skinny self.

Tomorrow: National League Predictions.
The next day: Awards!
P.S. Watch for me to edit my predictions retroactively a la Zamyatin at the end of the year.

Speedster Ichiro. Copyright Google Image Search.

Spring Training Special Part 1

2005-03-27T20:14:00.000-06:00

The Big Chief.

Today marked both the resurrection of our Lord and Savior and his favorite American pastime, baseball. Indeed, Jesus loved the Cincinnati Reds. The Easter special pitch/catch exhibition also marked a first for Sunday Baseball; our first property damage dilemma. A towering shot to left field by Karl "Big Chief" S. spiderwebbed a nice little Toyota's windshield. Oh how easy it would be to leave the scene; no one would ever be able to prove anything in court or to of the Allstate lady. I'd like to melodramatically commemorate the windshield-note-leaving incident of Easter 2005 as the moment of the resurrection of common decency in America. Kudos to Karl S. Welcome back baseball season.

Teefuses

2005-03-25T18:49:00.000-06:00

I learned today that dentists and their assistants tend to enjoy both listening to different music and debating their tastes. While one enjoys a subtle New Country song, another tends toward the eclectic, preferring a balladeer like David Gray or a Ryan Adams. I found also that somehow all of the above go very well with the whine of a drill, excruciating pain, and lots of novocaine. Conclusion: Fuck dentists.

Photo of the Week

2005-03-25T15:58:00.000-06:00

This woman took all my money.

Everything is very chill.

2005-03-22T23:27:00.000-06:00

Photo of the Week

2005-03-15T12:15:00.000-06:00

Omaur.

I am an Island.

2005-03-13T21:46:00.000-06:00

Object metaphors that have outlived their usefulness by many years yet still appear everywhere:

1. Windows
2. Scars
3. Fire

Object metaphors that are underexploited:

1. Swords
2. Dogs
3. Unopened packages.

Photo of the Week

2005-03-06T14:27:00.000-06:00

The U of M is way colder than UCLA.

2005-02-28T16:59:00.000-06:00

Photo of the Week. Terrible picture from the first roll out of my new camera. Sadly, this is the best of the bunch.

Minnesota: Cultural Intersections in a Post-Modern-Conflict Perspective.

2005-02-28T13:13:00.000-06:00

In honor of the Minnesota History class I'm sitting in right now, I thought I'd give a little shout out to my adopted home state. Even now, at the end of February, when I forgot to wear my long underwear and it's windy and 18 degrees outside, I can appreciate the good things the land of 10,000 lakes has to offer:

1. May. It's been said a thousand different times but May in Minnesota can't be beat anywhere. Delayed gratification is the name of the game here, but the payoff has to be at least as good as living in Palo Alto the whole year. How boring must it be to walk outside everyday to 70 degrees, birds and happy blondes? The correct answer is VERY boring, even though you may have hesitated.

2. Political Centrality. Would you like to start a progressive political movement on either side of the political continuum? Why not try out your radical ideas on open-minded but skeptical Northerners? We enjoy a legacy of political independence rivaled only by Texas, California, and, generously, Oregon. AIM, the Democratic Farmer and Labor party, Hubert Humphrey, Eugene McCarthy, Walter Mondale, Paul Wellstone, Jesse Ventura? Huge names in American politics, all. Even the Right gets to join in. The vanguard of areligious conservative ideology is being trained in the suburbs of the Twin Cities even as we speak. Republicans have claimed the South by evangelism, and will attempt to claim the North by libertarian tax-reform. If this doesn't sound so hot, remember that it's because of the wonderful reputation of Minnesotan progressivism that we are the first target of the Right. If they can do it here, they can do it anywhere. Neat!

3. The Mississippi River. This river is fucking huge. I never really considered this to be very cool until I was made to realize that Minnesota is located right at the intersection between the St. Lawrence Seaway and the Mississippi. If you're a 19th-century syphillitic merchant and you'd like to sell your whale parts or French wine to the fine people of Arkansas, you'd better be prepared to hang out in Minnesota for a couple of days. Wicked awesome.

4. The Minnesota Twins. I lived in Texas when the Twins won their World Series rings in 1987 and 1991 and I was rooting for the Atlanta Braves in '91. I'm sorry I did that. The Twins are awesome. Go Gardi.

5. St. Paul. Fuck Minneapolis. I keep meeting people from Minneapolis who refuse to go to St. Paul on principle! That's crazy, man. We've got the DAV, a huge and awesome Cathedral, the Turf Club, Sunday Baseball. How about the Winter Carnival? Grand Old Day? What does Mpls have? The CC Club, Lake Street and Light Rail. Ok, those are all cool, but not enough to compete.

6. Boundary Waters/Voyageurs. I hear this is cool but I am a pussy and have never been. Mosquitos and bears live there.

7. The Minnesota Vikings. Again, I lived in Texas in the '80's and '90's. I had this friend, Bo Crawford, who was a big Vikings fan. I had no idea where Minnesota was so I thought it was hilarious when they traded their whole team for Hershel Walker, who had no knees. This isn't so funny anymore. Go Oilers!

8. St. Paul Central High School. This was my third high school, but it was by far the most mediocre. I liked the Quest Program alot even though there were about four black people in it, the recording studio in the basement was a hotbed of future stars, and our football team had Craig Schultz on it, but overall the level of education and infrastructural sophistication left something to be desired. Class of '97.

9. Mankato. I went to Mankato in 1996 or something to see the Promise Ring and the Get Up Kids. This was at a skate park.

10. Rock. From Bob Dylan to the Replacements to Prince to Har Mar Superstar, Minnesota has been at the forefront of overrated rock stardom since the beginning of time. At the same time, these shitty acts have allowed a burgeoning underground music scene to do just that: burgeon. From alot of '80's bands I've never heard nor heard of to the Amphetamine Reptile bands of the early-mid '90's to the high-school-level experimentation of the Eclipse Records heyday, blah blah blah. Rock is awesome.

Carleton College

2005-02-26T12:50:00.000-06:00

Malachi Constant played with P.O.S. last night in Northfield. P.O.S. is wicked awesome. The teens love to go to free shows in the middle of nowhere and get disappointed by drunk rock bands. I love to work on Saturday nights with a hangover.

2005-02-23T13:23:00.000-06:00

Me on the Right at age 24.

Blogging is as cool as reading science fiction.

2005-02-22T20:47:00.000-06:00

So everyone else gets to have a blog and act all cool and I just have to read them and post comments? I don't think so. Maybe I'll respond to your comments and maybe not.