Thursday, May 11, 2006

Smatch Point

Last one, I swear. Match Point is supposed to be Woody Allen's comeback. I call bullshit on that. There's nothing positive about this movie other than that Scarlett Johanssen and Jonathan Rhys Meyers are good-looking. They also happen to be terrible actors. "Maybe if I yell people will think I'm 'in' the part." And I get that Woody Allen has had some unsuccessful relationships. I GET it. Oooh, the bad guy gets away with it? That has NEVER been done before! Maybe in Woody's high-falutin', Aston Martin-driving, leather-chairs-that-are-as-soft-as-a-baby's-ass, champagne-sipping world this kind of shit happens all the time and people think it means they're deep, but just 'cause bro holds a copy of Crime and Punishment at one point doesn't mean he has anything to offer us other than his crooked smile and REALLY nice suits that I would like to own and would hopefully not wear during a poorly-planned murder of my hot-but-annoying-and-pregnant mistress. I would probably just wear that suit to work or to get a drink with my brahs.

Monday, April 17, 2006


Something happened where blogging became uncool. When this happened, I decided it is cool again. Now there will be blogging again.

It's tax day. This is the day when all the money we need to build bridges and roads and to fund after-school programs and tree-planting initiatives, and the money we need to pay for the education of our future youth and to pay for the respectful and dignified care for our former future youth, and the money we need to pay for tanks and guns and international aid is collected in little sacks by men with pikes on horses. I gave $3500 to the cause this year.

I finally found one group of people who I will now not only stop berating for not voting, but actively encourage to remain outside the political system. They are the members of the armed forces. It occurs to me(unoriginally) that the responsibility to act as a tool of civilian political authority is something that should not be mixed with party politics in any way. Kudos to our Swiss Army!

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Career-ending photographs. Stationary bicycles and sweatpants. Smarch is not like last Smarch.

I've been thinking of organizing a "Take Public Transportation to Work Day." I think that is a bad sign.

When Enron went away, I cried.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Even Dwarves Started Like Shit

One time I saw this movie that was really bad. It was last night, in fact. The movie(film!) was Werner Herzog's Even Dwarves Started Small. I can't believe I didn't like with such fervor something Herzog made. When you start to ask yourself seriously whether a movie would have been made were the entire cast not comprised of little people you know you're in some serious shit. While there are some images that will be difficult to shake(examples: little person acting the matador to a driverless '40's ambulance, "blind" insane little people sitting on a dead sow), this is not a good thing in this case. While Aguirre the Wrath of God is something descended from heaven, this film is something forced up from hell, or at best, the State Fair.

Another thing I was disappointed with: Someone led me to believe this film(movie!) had something to do with Crispin Glover. Unless Crispin Glover is some sort of alchemist gnome(jury is still out!), the fact that Herzog and his trained mad dwarves were performing their peyote freak-out in front of full studio rigging in 1971 leads me to believe that, well, I was misled. Intensely.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Group Consciousness Titling. Advertising. On the go.

Thank you to Planetarium for pointing out The Superficial. It is a bit creepy that an idiotic and intentional meaningless grammatical misusage like "The Superficial" would be used by more than one author independently. The superficial what? What is happening? This is almost as bad as the excessive use in advertising of Meaningful. Periods. We as Americans have descended into the deepest chasm of tastelessness when a perfectly reasonable and convincing sentence like "Hot food on the go" which would really make a person seriously consider trudging down to the Glockenspiel or Pineda Tacos has to be bastardized into "Hot. Food. On the Go." All this makes us want to do is send a telegram. Plus, it's a command form. What about "Wouldn't you like to eat some hot food at the Muddy Pig right about now? Please come on by if you get hungry and we'll serve you whatever you'd like off of our menu. Have a fun day if you'd like."? The public would even settle for "Hot food, on the go." Because at least we get a comma out of the deal.

Friday, February 03, 2006


Other people update my blog more than I do. Duely noted.

I got some glasses and some X-rays. Both negative, baby, just like I like it.

In other news, I just wrote "Justice Scalia" when I meant "Justice Alito." Go figure!

Also, now that 150,000 people suggested that Patty Wetterling run in the 6th District again, she finally heard and heeded. Nice work, asshole.

Life is a fascinating romp.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Photo of the Week

A gentle reminder


Life is So Sad

Photo Link Redux: Flickr Edition.

The Producers is not a very good movie.

Nick: I am going to drive to your apartment and feed your cat right now.